the big day is getting closer
the day I will step into the next stage of my life
it's hard to describe my feelings
it's mingled
Mood swings like a pendulum
from the beginning I was ignorant ..
ignorance was the way to escape
refused to receive any single detail about it
until it forced me to the corner, no way to run,no choice but faced it
Fear started growing in my heart
thousands of 'what if' came across my mind
what if I couldn't survive there?
what if people there couldn't understand what I'm talking about
what if I couldn't stand the coldness
what if...
I feel so lost
I started noticing things I wouldn't give a damn previously
reviewing past 20 years of my life
all I could say is : " Damn ! I'm so lucky!"
I have never gone through any tragic accident
no true hardship, no hunger, rarely put much effort in many things
but look at what I have received so far,
full scholarship I have never imagined I would get,
all the love from my family and friends
I felt so blessed that I thought I was the most happy person in the world
I could have the ridiculous urge of tears dropping
when I was waiting for the bus or walking on the street
Oh, I will miss this lovely place
Emptiness filled up again
all I concerned was how much I got not how much I gave
what did I contribute to my family, my friends and to the needy?
do I treat my parents well so far?
the answer was obvious
my little contribution was never equivalent to everything I received
but what more can I do for them in such a little time?
My emotion is just like taking a ride in roller coaster, up and down and up and down again
I believe the exciting ride has spelled the end eventually
I hated changes and had a tendency of relating it to negative events
I shall keep everything positive since no one guarantee changes is bad
I have no way to change the facts that I'm leaving soon, but I can change my views on seeing things
So no more emo-ing for me because it's a waste of time
no more whining or complaining because it's deleted from my vocab
no more regrets or guilty feeling because it helps nothing
no more lost and loneliness because I know my goal and the direction is clear
Then I tell myself what am I waiting for?
Let's live every moment of my life to the fullness!
the day I will step into the next stage of my life
it's hard to describe my feelings
it's mingled
Mood swings like a pendulum
from the beginning I was ignorant ..
ignorance was the way to escape
refused to receive any single detail about it
until it forced me to the corner, no way to run,no choice but faced it
Fear started growing in my heart
thousands of 'what if' came across my mind
what if I couldn't survive there?
what if people there couldn't understand what I'm talking about
what if I couldn't stand the coldness
what if...
I feel so lost
I started noticing things I wouldn't give a damn previously
reviewing past 20 years of my life
all I could say is : " Damn ! I'm so lucky!"
I have never gone through any tragic accident
no true hardship, no hunger, rarely put much effort in many things
but look at what I have received so far,
full scholarship I have never imagined I would get,
all the love from my family and friends
I felt so blessed that I thought I was the most happy person in the world
I could have the ridiculous urge of tears dropping
when I was waiting for the bus or walking on the street
Oh, I will miss this lovely place
Emptiness filled up again
all I concerned was how much I got not how much I gave
what did I contribute to my family, my friends and to the needy?
do I treat my parents well so far?
the answer was obvious
my little contribution was never equivalent to everything I received
but what more can I do for them in such a little time?
My emotion is just like taking a ride in roller coaster, up and down and up and down again
I believe the exciting ride has spelled the end eventually
I hated changes and had a tendency of relating it to negative events
I shall keep everything positive since no one guarantee changes is bad
I have no way to change the facts that I'm leaving soon, but I can change my views on seeing things
So no more emo-ing for me because it's a waste of time
no more whining or complaining because it's deleted from my vocab
no more regrets or guilty feeling because it helps nothing
no more lost and loneliness because I know my goal and the direction is clear
Then I tell myself what am I waiting for?
Let's live every moment of my life to the fullness!
